This is not my ceiling
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
