you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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