wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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