On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
