ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
