Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
