I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
