The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
