R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
