My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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