you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
