drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
