Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and she was petting her beer can
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
