i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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