She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
