I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
