im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
