Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
