Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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