just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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