just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
