i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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