My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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