On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
