pedialite and red bull = repair kit
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
