I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
