there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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