Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
