This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
