My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
