I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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