tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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