I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
