I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
