Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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