i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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