On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
