some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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