Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
