I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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