If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
