Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
