My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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