Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
