ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
