'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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