Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
