I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
