I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
