Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
