Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
