I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
