omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
