Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
