God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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