I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
