As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
